About 3 years ago, I weighed about 78 lbs, was on 12 mg of benzos a night, and I couldn't eat without hell to follow. Stress and negativity in my life had gone straight to my gut, completely messing up my digestion. Things weren't looking so good for me. For a very brief moment in time, I thought that was it for me. I was exhausted, malnourished, and under helped.
I did not give up. I did not give in. I didn't listen to the doctors that had no clue. I didn't take no for an answer. For a couple months I would go to to the emergency room every few days, about 10 times a month. I was on a first name basis with the ambulance drivers, who gave me the option of where to go. Each time I picked a different hospital hoping to meet that one doctor who would help me.... I never met him.
There's a point in everyone's life where things become so tough that there are two outcomes, success or failure. It makes us, or it breaks us. I had options, accept the uncertainty, or to be the miracle. That moment came to me after I had mistakingly went to Mayo clinic in Minnesota, and they gave my a J tube because I "Smoked too much marijuana". I remember very clearly. I was sitting in my room, I just had a shower, and was feeling so fresh and so clean, then I something wet in my crotch... It was my feeding tube, it opened up. It leaked stomach acid into a pool in my lap. Between that moment, and having to chemically burn the skin coming out of my J tube every few days. I was done, and I made a decision right there and then. I was going to fix my stomach one way or another, because I had two things on my mind. SUSHI AND STEAK! There was no more anger, no more frustration, it turned to complete motivation and drive. There was no other alternative for me. The magic ingredient? LOVE, lots and lots of love. If I was angry, I would have stayed in the situation I was in. I had LOVE all around me, I had love in me. I stayed happy, positive, and smiling! My friends, family, online family, sent me so many prayers and positive thoughts that it was impossible for me to fail.
Here I am, about to eat shabu shabu. Celebrating life and loving every second. There nothing I can't do :)