Sometimes when things don't work out, its hard at first to see how that could be a good thing. Mainly because it didnt work out the way we wanted, so how could it be good? Well the answer i believe is that it is all good. Things happen the way they are meant to, and the way they need to. in my opinion at least. I speak for myself in all cases, i dont think because i have a website or a few videos on youtube that i am any better or know more than anyone, its funny, some people actually think i do, like im high and mighty, haha... im stubborn, i will be the first to admit that, but thats it, i think i got that from my dad. That whole Italian thing ya know? Its cool, I also got a ton of invaluble life lessons from him that even though were painful, were probably exactly what i needed, when i needed it. Everything has its purpose, every relationship, every moment, it all happens for a reason. Good friends, bad friends, arguments, fights, lies, backstabbing, cheating, stealing, it all happens for the greater good, because as most of us all know, we usually learn from the bad, not the good. So its a good thing there is a lot of bad in the world, but not if it defeats you. All that bad can also drown a person if they let it. I was guilty of that many times in my life, (still from time to time, i am human you know, but now i can turn it around), now i hold the power forever.

I see the value in every relationship i had, people used to say to me....you don't have a girlfriend? you ALWAYS have a girlfriend. and yeah i usually did (dont know how that happened), now that i don't (yr and a half now) i realize who i was being, and why i always found myself in a relationship,

the answer...
i was afraid of being alone, so i went from one relationship to another, never giving myself a chance to grow. Which is what i should have been doing instead. I felt like i was broken. A burdon. A pain in the arse. I thought "who would wanna date a dude who is in a wheelchair and is gonna die soon" I mean i couldnt ever dance with her, or pick her up, fully embrace her, so i thought i was useless. So whenever a girl liked me, and i liked her, i was like, this is it!!!! So happy someone wanted me, that i forgot about me. I didn't like myself, so when someone did it blew my mind, but then the relationship didnt work, and i had such a hard time moving on. Probably because i didnt take all the responsibility. So im glad every relationship didnt work out, i learned so much which has helped me be a better me. I was sad and mad when each one ended, now i know it was once there and i am lucky that it was, and lucky to be able to grow because of it, andddd the other person in the relationship has a chance to grow and find love, just like you or me. Its a wonderful opportunity to meet new people and keep going and going. Being stuck gets nobody nowhere.

once again im rambling, something i do a lot. I have a lot of thoughts, so they all kinda jump out at once. My cousin is in the hospital for blacking out, he has DMD, i have BMD, i hope he is going to be alright, he is here from Italy. He made an amazing voyage to America for a Film class. If you pray, throw one out for Carlo for me please.

I played lots of music today, getting excited!!! and im editing some stuff from over the weekend. looking forward to a new day. Can't wait to see what it will bring. Thank you for once again finding your way here. Love me or hate me, thank you, you still make the world beautiful.

to bed, alone. (there are always dreams)
Love
M